Dean!! Gimme some "Eye of the Tiger"!!! (Life lessons by the Winchesters)

First of all - if you're new here, understand that most of these posts are actually drafted as conversations with myself, in my head, usually while driving.  In between cussing at the other cars.

As has been the topic of the last few posts - this one too, is about class.  Yep.  Still going.  Tonight though, I had my first Moment.  Yeah, you read that right.  Capital M - Moment.  You see, I got cocky, and I figured I could change up my routine.  Normally, I take one of my anxiety meds before class.  Not like an extra one - just a couple hours earlier than bedtime.  Just In Case.

Today?  I was like, nah - I got this.  I like this place.  I like these people.  I don't need no stinkin' pharmaceuticals.

Oh dude. Wrong.  So wrong.  I mean - I do still like the place, and all the people - but the anxiety doesn't give a shit.  About half way through class our instructor was like - ok, heel palm strikes, sprint to the other side of the mat and sprawl.

SPRAWL Y'ALL.  SPRAWL.

If there's a word that NO chubby sweaty anxiety ridden girl EVER wants to hear included in instructions - it's sprawl.  It sounds just as graceful as it is.  But.  I did it.  I hit, and I sprinted, and I sprawled.  I'm chubby, so I'm slower than everyone else.  Which, logically, I know is fine.  It's normal.  It's ok.  Except... Anxiety Brain slooooooows everything down.  I'm so heavy.  Moving one foot after the other is so hard - I'm winded, I'm fat, I'm jiggling, I'm the ONLY ONE STILL GOING because I'mwindedimfatimjiggling.  You get the picture here?  Now, keep in mind, with no anxiety attack - I still would have been slow because this is all new to me - but it would have FELT different, if that makes any sense.

Then something damn near miraculous happened.  My instructor saw me slow.  She said walk, breathe, keep going.  So I did.  And I turned around and still had a few more reps to do and everyone else was done - but instead of what my anxiety ridden brain expected I got, "Dani! You can do it!  C'mon Dani - you got this!"  And?  They meant it.  They all *wanted* me to finish.  It was... really nice.

So I did.  And I finished.  I will get better.

Though... I will probably take my meds early for a few weeks yet ;)