Guess you're going to have to suck it the fuck up dude, because I'm pretty sure it's not gonna change for a minute.
If you're new here, I would suggest starting from the beginning. The posts aren't pretty - but they are honest, if a little raw. Also, I cuss like a sailor - so if you can't deal, you might wanna just stop here.
I guess in a way, it kind of fits perfectly with my whole "redefining myself" adventure. It's not an "art form", it's... logical. Well, to me it's logical. It is action and reaction. It is movement. It is testing your own boundaries, it's pushing yourself to be able to react in the best way possible.
I told a friend the other day that I am Becoming. And that's it really. AMD - I've struggled with depression, anxiety, and a sense of loss of self I guess - on top of losing mom. I mean, I talked early on in the blog about how I had to completely redefine myself. This is part of my redefinition, it is part of my Becoming, and I love it. The physicality helps me because I'm moving. Learning new techniques and drills engages my brain. It's just... good. Really good. I finally feel like I might be more than just a caretaker with no one to take care of.
Tuesday, we learned front kick defenses - which seem easy... yeah, not so much. My arms are still a little sore - but in the best way. I'm still not good - and I *really* hate not being good at something, but I'm gonna get there. I like it too much not to. The super interesting part - and by super interesting I mean holyshitthisishappening - was that our instructor was taking video of various parts of class. She always puts a little chaos into class, to see if we can use the new techniques under stress. This one required our team mates to beat us about like a damn pin ball - while being able to defend and deflect the front kick coming from the one attacker circling you. Mhm. I look like a damn fool - but I'm gonna share that with you anyway. Because there is NO shame in my game.
So yeah, I didn't do too shabby. And it was fun. Mostly haha. I was so tired by this point it was unreal. I'm not gonna lie, I totally went last in the hopes that everyone else would be worn out hahaha - that didn't work out quite the way I wanted it too ;)
Today was a "bonus day" - where we worked on clenches, fighting through them, etc. I'm always worried I'm gonna hurt someone - because I haven't quite gotten the hang of being able to pull my strength back. I'm working on that though too!!
And then. There's... Tabata. Tabata, I am convinced is Japanese for "Workout so fast that you might die, then try to breathe, then do it again. Muahahahaha"
CONVINCED. Though I can't lie -it's pretty effective. I mean when I started class, push ups were a JOKE for me, planks were also a joke. Now though, I can get through push ups (girly ones on my knees - but dammit I can DO them) and I can hold my plank for... well, longer than I did. Haha.
All in all, I think it's safe to say that I love it. Every bruise, every day that my body is stupidly sore, every time I get corrected (and yes, I do want to be corrected - for all my class peeps), every time I leave a hot goddamned mess I'm also ridiculously happy.
Whatcha think, Mom? I think I'm doing pretty good. I think you'd like the me I'm becoming.
Oh hey - P.S. My birthday is May 4th - which is a class day - I will be there!!
My awesome bruises:
No comments:
Post a Comment