Do the thing. Just do it.

Some days are better than others.  Today was decent.  I had another Krav Maga class - and I'm still excited.  After talking with my instructor, and one of my fellow students, after class I realized that I've been working on that list subconsciously.  You know - that list I posted forever ago, about redefining yourself?

RECAP!!

1.  List new qualities - DONE

2.  Break one bad habit - DONE - Quit smoking - boom!

3.  Reinforce friendships, make new friends - Still working on this one, it should be continuous

4.  Decide what defines you - Still working on this one too

5.  Follow one old passion - broke out my crochet hooks the other day.  It's gonna happen.

6.  List what you love - My person, my friends, my family, my books, art, music, movement.

7.  Be realistic - We'll get into that below

8.  Be positive - this one is tough sometimes, but I'm working on being Positive Fucking Patty

9.  Make a visual - More below

10.  Ignore what others think - got this one down.

So - decide what defines you.  I don't know that it's something that people actively think about, unless and until it changes.  If you had asked me what defined me a couple of years ago, I probably would have given you some inane answer involving reading, learning, etc.  In reality, I have found that while those things HELP to define me, they did not define me.  The things I did every day defined me.  Taking care of mom defined me.  Dealing with nurses defined me.  Clearing catheters, making soft foods, talking and reading to mom defined me.  Working every day, and having that almost second life at the office defined me.  Reading to escape what I did every day - defined me.

Those things no longer define me.  They no longer exist really.  Mom is gone, and although when I'm home I catch myself thinking I need to go check on her - I don't.

Taking these classes help to define me.  I guess more of a shaded outline - if that makes sense.  It's the broad sweeps that *I've* decided will be my outline.  I've made the conscious decision to do something completely new, and a little frightening, but exciting all at the same time.

I dunno - maybe it's easier because these awesome people are new?  They didn't know me from before.  They didn't see the caterpillar - they're just kind of seeing the cocoon.  Whoa, buddy - that's a lot of damn cliches but what the hell.

Ok, moving on to the whole being realistic.  So.  I am a klutz.  I jacked up my ankle.  It's not BAD hurt or anything, and I am aware that you're supposed to rest it, elevate it, etc.  But really, who has time for that??  Well... this girl now has to make time for that.  I was really worried that when I went back to class I would be in trouble, or I don't know, feel dumb because I managed to hurt myself.  Instead, my instructor was again fabulous - and showed me how to work around it and to take care of it.  I'm learning.  I'm stubborn as shit, but I am learning.

I'm sure there was something else I was supposed to mention here, but goddamn man, I am SORE, super hungry, and sleepy.  So eff that.

I love you, Mom.  I'm doing it.  I'm gonna finish it too.