The Holidays, Elastic Hearts, Doable Resolutions & Love

It's 12/21/17.  Four more days until Christmas.  Eleven more days until New Year's Eve.

This time last year, I had just lost my mother.  I had also given my heart away.  It was decent.  This year, mom has been gone a year, my heart got cracked a bit, but I am also leaving my house more.  I would say that things are a little better.

Hearts are pretty elastic, you know?  So they tend to kind of stretch and shrink as needed.  Which is helpful in so many ways.  Sometimes it's hard to remember - but when I do, I feel much better.  I mean, I'm pretty goddamned awesome.  I am honest, about my feelings and in general; I am more open than you would probably think (about more things than you would probably think); I give a lot and expect little in return.  These are good things.  It makes for a big stretchy heart.

I had the privilege of  having Barbara Lynn Therese Gerke Longamore as my mother.  She taught me about love, the giving of it and the receiving.  She taught me about the joy of holidays - which I am trying to bring back into my heart.  One step at a time.  She taught me about the importance of family.  She taught me about the importance of always learning, being able to admit you are wrong, and that sometimes you just need a drink and some quiet.

I am going tomorrow with some friends to learn a little bit about blacksmithing - which is something I have always wanted to do.  No time like the present, right?

I was going to go out of town for New Years Eve, but I think instead I'll stay close - try to find something to do locally.  With people even!  I hate those dumb ass resolutions people talk about - like losing weight, suddenly eating healthy, etc.  I am going to work on real resolutions that are good for me - let's hope this list is doable:

I am going to take myself out.  Dinner and a movie is not something only reserved for couples or groups of friends.

I am going to continue my quest for learning.  If I want to learn it - I will do whatever I can to make that happen.  It doesn't matter how silly anyone else thinks the endeavor is.

I am going to keep reminding myself that hearts are stretchy, and rarely static.

I am going to do more with the people I care about.

I am going to continue with my Krav classes.

I am going to plan the trips I want to take so they actually *happen*.  Traveling is another thing that is not only reserved for couples or groups of friends.  I am fully capable of traveling on my own.

I am going to strive to celebrate all the holidays next year with the same fervor I did when Mom was alive.

Merry Christmas, Happy Yule, Happy Holidays - and Happy New Year.

I love all of you - without explanation, fear, or regret  <3