This time last year, I feel like I was doing a bit better. At least in regards to grief, and handling the holidays with Mom gone.
I just realized that I *wasn't* doing better last year... I was just fucking numb because she had died just three short months before hand. Which kinda makes this like the first holiday with her gone, if that makes any sense.
Things still don't feel "right" - and they won't. It is way more difficult to accustom yourself a new "right" than you might think. Some of it is easier now. Some of it isn't.
I would be OK with boycotting the holiday this year. That however, isn't an option. Joey will make it tolerable. Since he's almost two he gets super excited over the lights - and I think he'll love unwrapping presents; that will be fun to watch and be a part of.
CBD oil is supposed to be here by Saturday (ha, we shall see) so that's a plus. Shin guards have been ordered for class - because it remains one of the few things that helps me keep my balance (mentally) and padding is good.
On the upside - one of my sisters is moving to Maryland - so I have some place awesome to drive to in the Spring!
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