Chubby Girls DO Cuddle Better, Asshole Monkeys, and a Splash of Killin' It

This week has been testing week in Krav.  I completed, and passed, my test last night (woohoo!!!) so I am now a yellow belt two, or yellow with a black stripe, whatevs - closer and closer to getting better and better.  It was fun, it was hard, it was awesome.  It's nerve wracking for me - because I'm always afraid I'm going to fail, and I'm always afraid some of my class mates are going "easy" on me because I'm the fat girl.  I know that's not logical, so shut it - I get that.  Doesn't change the brain though, now does it?

This morning though, I saw on the social media page of Mini-Instructor a video titled "Lose Some Weight" (Found Here).  I watched it.  Turned the speakers on my computer here at work.  Dude.  That's a whole lot of truth packed into roughly five minutes. A LOT.  And yeah, those things do happen - being mocked at the gym, or if you are outside walking or running - hell it even happens at restaurants.  I never understood that - aside from being extremely hurtful, why would you be rude to someone who is obviously trying to better themselves?  I'm pretty confident - MOST of the time - but there are lots of little times where I just want to flop on the couch in my work out clothes, because going to the track to have a bunch of skinny folks watch me huff and puff doesn't sound fun.

The best part about this video though, is something that it took me a little while to figure out.  Perspective is everything.  Oh hell, I'm not perfect - I still get wonky, but I have changed and am changing my perspective on a lot of things.  The rude people on social media who make comments assuming you just sit on your ass all day?  Not my monkeys.  The rude people who give out smug looks at the gym?  Not my fucking monkeys.  The skinny people at the track who haven't broken a sweat and aren't breathing hard, and giggle as I go by?  STILL not my goddamned monkeys.  

They only matter as much as I let them.  

Being part of a collective class, as I have been for the past several months, has helped too.  We all want each other to succeed - to do the best that each person can do, and then beat that goal to hell and back.  Some of us are chubby (but adorable), some of us are more skilled than others, some are really young, some are older - but it really is like a little family.  When the girl in that video went to the pool party, and finally got in?  She realized that was her little family.  They weren't judging her.

So for my chubby chicks who struggle as much, more, or a little less than I do - any time you see a hater yell at them angrily, "YOU'RE NOT MY FUCKING MONKEY ASSHOLE!"

Kidding - that might be a bit much.  You can imagine it though. Not your circus, not your monkeys.  They mean nothing. Less than nothing.  They are the trash on the bottom of your beat to hell sneakers.  Do what you do.  Run if you want to.  Although, really - I don't understand running for no purpose.  But hey - be crazy!