Badass Birthday Bitches and Stuff

I'm sure you guys have noticed that I like to keep it pretty anonymous on here.  I mean, I use my name - and anyone with elementary snooping skills could probably suss out the names of my family members, etc.  In fact... hey, any of you want some sisters?  I got LOTS.  Like, EXTRA.  Seriously though - Got'em in all flavors, and all ages.

Anyone?  No, no one? Figures.

ANYWAY.  I figure it's not my place to use other people's names since this is my story.  They are part of my story - but it's not up to me to tell any part of *their* story.  Following me so far?

Excellent!

I've told you about my amazing class.  Which, I haven't been to in a week.  Admittedly, the first day I was sick.  The second day I basically just said fuck the world.  Well, I'm going back tonight.  Moving helps.  Sweating helps.

I've told you how awesome all of the people are that I've met.  I'm gonna have to start giving them Blog Names if I'm gonna babble about any of them regularly... thoughts for the future.

For now - I want to discuss Instructor - because y'all....

IT'S HER BIRTHDAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

(I want you to know that I had to back space A LOT to take out "motherfucking" first, and then "fucking" for a plain old happy birthday.  That. Is. Love.)

My Instructor is definitely more awesome than yours.  Apparently this whole thing I'm now a part of, was all started by Chuck Norris? (who knew, right??) Little bits of research, and BA BAM!!  You see Instructor's name with Chuck Norris' name all over the damn internet.  I mean, I've seen the pictures, but c'mon... getting a shout out in a Chicken Soup book?  YOU BEEN HOLDIN' OUT ON ME TEACH!

Seriously though, none of that surprised me.  I have had the privilege of watching her, as well as her daughters and husband, interact with people of all ages and types.  I have seen her teach the most adorable littles new karate stuff (I'm sure there's a word for that shit, but I don't know it), and then turn around and teach the same thing to an adult who's never done it.  All without making the adult feel bad, or the little feel small.

I mean, she's helped me quite a bit.  Starting out here, showing up just because my BFF made me, is what really started the process of my Becoming.  I know that she is always understanding, kind, compassionate, honest, thoughtful, tough - and freaking hilarious.  I mean, who better to have guide you through something new, painful, and completely different?  I think it's safe to say that any of us that have worked with, or just known her, have been pretty damned lucky.  Thank you - from the deepest darkest blackest pit of my little heart - thank you.  :)  Never ever forget how much you mean to everyone you touch.

And that's about all the sap I can handle for one post.  So... moving on.

I've flipped around a few Chuck Norris facts for your enjoyment:

When my Instructor was born, she drove her mother home from the hospital.

My Instructor makes onions cry.

My Instructor once fought Supergirl.  The loser had to wear a stupid looking outfit.

My Instructor can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass.  At night.

And....

NOW REMEMBER!!!!!

WE DON'T DISCUSS THE BLOG IN CLASS!!  ;)  Hope your day has been awesome lady!!

Euphemisms, Honesty, and a fallow field of fucks

So many things to say.  The year of firsts really sucks.

Remember, I started this blog because no one talks about grief.  Well - no one talks honestly about grief.  Things might get a little uncomfortable up in here.  Fair warning.


As a society we use a multitude of euphemisms for death or dying.  A person passed.  They transitioned.  They are no longer with us.  They've gone to glory.  He/she is in a better place.  Jesus called him/her home.  The angles needed him/her.  Got his/her just rewards.  I'm sure you've heard them all.  Why??  Why do we do that?  Because flat saying, "Mother's day this year sucks ass because my mother is DEAD" is for some reason not socially acceptable.

Test it out - it feels... verboten.

My mother is dead.  This weekend sucked pretty hard for me, my Dad and my sisters, because my mother is dead.

Right??  Feels weird.  Know what else?  It feels strangely fucking good.  My mother is dead.  Does that make you uncomfortable?  Perhaps just as uncomfortable as I am when I have to explain that I'm currently miserable because my mother is dead?

I'm aware that isn't really fair - especially not to people who don't know me, my family, or the situation.  I do find however, that I'm currently out of fucks to give. *shrug*

Being the mostly sane and fairly logical person that I am, I know that in a short bit I'll be fine again.  It's all good - don't go freaking out on me.  This whole thought process has really pointed out to me though how often we go out of our way to NOT say what we mean.  I like to think I don't do that too terribly often, but I'm sure I have.

Maybe if we stopped using goddamned euphemisms for anything and everything that is the slightest bit unpleasant - we would have adults that are capable of coping, children who aren't frightened of words, and a people as a whole who are generally more well balanced.  At least be honest with yourself.

Euphemism: My mother passed away.
Reality:  My mother is dead.

Euphemism: She can be a little opinionated sometimes.
Reality: I think she's bitchy because I don't agree with her opinions.

Euphemism:  We can all just agree to disagree!
Reality: I still think you're wrong, but don't want to argue anymore.

Euphemism: He's currently between jobs.
Reality: He's unemployed.

Euphemism: You're becoming a little thin up top.
Reality:  You're balding.

Euphemism: We need to worry about our own people, not the world!!
Reality: I am slightly bigoted, but don't want to admit my fear of the outside world.

Euphemism:  She's currently working as an escort.
Reality:  She's a hooker.

Try it.  Pick a day.  And just be honest that whole day.  No euphemisms, no sugar coating.  That doesn't mean you have to be rude either.  You can be honest, and still be polite.  See what happens.

Saudade, Alexithymia, and Clinomania

Just a quick update, for those of you who may have been looking for a new post.

May?  Terrible month.  Just had my birthday, which was awesome - I have amazing people, and Joey's first birthday.  Without mom.  Then you know what's next week?  Mother's Day.  Without mom.  Then you know what's the week after that?  Mom's birthday 5/25.

Class is still awesome - it's doing double duty by keeping my brain/body occupied at least a little during May.  Although, there was some talk of "bring your mom to class day" - I'll have to double check, but if that's a thing, I may skip it.

I'm just going to keep as occupied as possible for the next little bit.  Whether it's yard work, video games (yes, you read that right - don't like it?  Bite my pale white patootie), class, or you know... wine.  ;)  Just gonna survive it.

Yeah.  That's all I got.

"...and I'm standing on the corner of Fifth and Vermouth."

It's May 1st.  My birthday is May 4th.  Joey's birthday is May 5th.  Mom missing out on both sucks pretty damned hard.  I think I'll be drunk a lot this weekend.

Patience level: 0

Compassion level: 1

Fucks available to give: -50


Not too terribly concerned though - I'm sure I'll mood swing right on through this bullshit at some point in the next couple days, right?  Fucking grief ninja.