Looking back, looking close, looking up

*waves*  Hey!  Yeah, I know - two months off.  And damn, there was a lot in those two months.  A short version of the past couple months could be:

-Don't assume you know how a person is grieving - even if they're family.  You're probably wrong.
-Kindness from anyone is a good thing, soak it up when it happens
-Don't compare your own grieving process to anyone else's - even if they're family.  You're not doing things the same way, and that's ok.


I mean, there was more - but for the purposes of this blog, that about sums things up.  In the meantime.. my best friend has been telling me about her kids going to karate.  She had nothing but glowing things to say about the family that ran the studio.  I finally had a chance to get out there, and I was present for their belt ceremonies.  It was awesome.  It was *so* awesome, that I - Super Anxiety Girl - went back, for a class.  That class was so awesome that I actually paid to continue taking classes.  So yeah, twice a week I'm basically getting my ass kicked by a room full of super nice strangers while learning Krav Maga.

Couple things here - I haven't gone out much at all since Mom died.  In the beginning that was fairly normal I guess, but then it got pretty bad.  My doctor suggested some anti-depressants, I accepted, and made an appointment with a shrink.  Being that I *am* Super Anxiety Girl, I was freaking myself out over the fact that I was freaking out over the fact that mom died.  Does that make sense?  Anyway, I saw said shrink - who was *amazing* and he was like, yeah - no big deal, we'll probably take you off of these around April.  You just need some help getting over the hump of your bereavement.  That made sense to me.  I take anti-anxiety meds every day, but depression isn't really my issue.  This all happened in January - and lo and behold there was light from above, and roughly two weeks into medication Dani was seen outside her home.  Fanfuckingtastic!  Seriously - baby steps in the right direction.

Anyway - all that drivel to lead up to the fact that while I have been getting OUT more regularly, signing up for regular Krav Maga classes is a little out of my norm... even before Mom's death.  Yet, I really like it.  I'll be coming off of these "new" meds, and I have something to do - regularly - after work that makes strange sense to me.  One of my sisters was surprised that I was going through with it.  I guess that makes sense.  But it makes me feel more in control.  And for me?  That's amazing ;)

Oh, and I quit smoking too.  Right?  I mean, why?  Although, I gotta say, breathing easier is nice when random nice strangers are kicking your ass twice a week.

Love!!