Chubby Girls DO Cuddle Better, Asshole Monkeys, and a Splash of Killin' It

This week has been testing week in Krav.  I completed, and passed, my test last night (woohoo!!!) so I am now a yellow belt two, or yellow with a black stripe, whatevs - closer and closer to getting better and better.  It was fun, it was hard, it was awesome.  It's nerve wracking for me - because I'm always afraid I'm going to fail, and I'm always afraid some of my class mates are going "easy" on me because I'm the fat girl.  I know that's not logical, so shut it - I get that.  Doesn't change the brain though, now does it?

This morning though, I saw on the social media page of Mini-Instructor a video titled "Lose Some Weight" (Found Here).  I watched it.  Turned the speakers on my computer here at work.  Dude.  That's a whole lot of truth packed into roughly five minutes. A LOT.  And yeah, those things do happen - being mocked at the gym, or if you are outside walking or running - hell it even happens at restaurants.  I never understood that - aside from being extremely hurtful, why would you be rude to someone who is obviously trying to better themselves?  I'm pretty confident - MOST of the time - but there are lots of little times where I just want to flop on the couch in my work out clothes, because going to the track to have a bunch of skinny folks watch me huff and puff doesn't sound fun.

The best part about this video though, is something that it took me a little while to figure out.  Perspective is everything.  Oh hell, I'm not perfect - I still get wonky, but I have changed and am changing my perspective on a lot of things.  The rude people on social media who make comments assuming you just sit on your ass all day?  Not my monkeys.  The rude people who give out smug looks at the gym?  Not my fucking monkeys.  The skinny people at the track who haven't broken a sweat and aren't breathing hard, and giggle as I go by?  STILL not my goddamned monkeys.  

They only matter as much as I let them.  

Being part of a collective class, as I have been for the past several months, has helped too.  We all want each other to succeed - to do the best that each person can do, and then beat that goal to hell and back.  Some of us are chubby (but adorable), some of us are more skilled than others, some are really young, some are older - but it really is like a little family.  When the girl in that video went to the pool party, and finally got in?  She realized that was her little family.  They weren't judging her.

So for my chubby chicks who struggle as much, more, or a little less than I do - any time you see a hater yell at them angrily, "YOU'RE NOT MY FUCKING MONKEY ASSHOLE!"

Kidding - that might be a bit much.  You can imagine it though. Not your circus, not your monkeys.  They mean nothing. Less than nothing.  They are the trash on the bottom of your beat to hell sneakers.  Do what you do.  Run if you want to.  Although, really - I don't understand running for no purpose.  But hey - be crazy!  

Me, too; Double Down; Raise 'em Right

You want to know what one of the most difficult things for me to do is?  Edit myself.  Censure myself.  Unfortunately, I feel like I have to do a lot of that.  I don't post truly personal things on my various social media accounts - and I don't feel as though I can go into detail here either because my life intersects with others.  It's frustrating beyond belief.

I will say this - a couple of weeks ago, I saw an end to something that I thought would last longer.  That's never a fun time.  In fact, it is still in the process of sucking.  But hey - for once, I didn't fuck things up!  That's all I will say about that.

         ------------------   OH NOES SHE'S GOING ON A RANT NOW  ---------------

I spend a lot of time in my head - as I've mentioned many times in the past.  I realized a couple things.  Wait - no, I did not.  These are things that I have always known, and or seen, and just haven't spoken about.

Trending all over social media right now is "Me, too".  Something women post to show that sexual harassment and sexual assault are far more prevalent than people like to think.  It's a fantastic idea - in theory.  Bear with me - and lets zoom out for a minute.

John F. Smith is a man in his mid to late thirties - he has an ex-wife, as well as two daughters.  He regularly jokes around in the "boys will be boys" manner that is damn near second nature to him.  Commenting among his friends on the looks of the waitress, or talking about how crazy his last girlfriend was, etc.  Nothing too terrible - obnoxious sure, but mostly overlooked by society at large.  When he's with his girls though, it's a different tune.  He wants them to be strong, intelligent, self-sufficient and independent.  He wants to make sure that his babies know how to take care of themselves, so they won't ever be taken advantage of. HIS daughter will not be treated that way!

GODDAMN IT - YOU CAN'T HAVE IT BOTH WAYS

Is it really any wonder that we have an entire society of women who base their worth on the way they look, or how they behave in a relationship?  Sure - Dad wants you to do X, Y, and Z - but those things don't match what you've seen him do in his own relationships.  Those things don't match what the magazines, news papers, movies and television are telling you.  Actions all around you have shown that if you want to find love, happiness, and security - you can only do that while being beautiful, kind of helpless, and dumbing yourself down.

Strong?  She's a bitch.  She's stubborn.  She think's she's something she isn't.
Intelligent?  She's a bitch.  Good thing she's smart, she's not pretty.  Etc.
Self-sufficient?  She's a bitch.  She's probably gay.  Couldn't catch a man if she wanted to.
Independent?  She's a bitch.  She's probably gay.  She's trying to act like a man.  Dumb feminist.

So.. yeah.  I did, I hopped on that "Me, too" bandwagon because I have been sexually harassed, and it's a very honest thing.  I just wish there was more to it than just a social media trend.  All these wonderful women I know that are screaming either loudly, or internally "ME, TOO" and... that's it.  You're probably wondering, "What the hell does she want us to do??"

I don't know.  *shrug*  I really don't fucking know.  Perhaps call out your men (whether they be fathers, brothers, husbands, etc) whenever you see the dichotomy - especially if you have children?  Call out *yourself* if you suddenly realized that you have also shown your daughter, or nieces, that their worth is based on more than what's beneath their skin?  Because, I repeat - you can't have it both ways. 

I don't mean to belittle the voice that a lot of women have discovered with this trend.  I think it's beautiful.  I just also think that since we're all being so brave RIGHT NOW, we should continue that on - past the social media trend, into real life.  Make sure your little girls get a different set of guidelines - and make sure your little boys do too.  Then maybe in the next couple of generations there won't be a need for "Me, too".