Just get over this hill

Christmas is in four days.  It's cold outside.  There was frost on the ground this morning.  The plants on my porch are all dead.  Some of them I could have saved I guess, but there were a few funeral plants out there.  I think I didn't want to keep them, so I subconsciously "forgot" them.  Isn't that horrible?

I'm at work. The office Christmas party is today.  I dressed up - ish.  Put makeup on my face. Am in a funk.  We're doing a potluck.  I brought nothing (isn't that horrible?).  I need to go to the store and get some candy to share I guess.  There were spontaneous tears today for some reason.  Haven't done that in a while.  Thankfully, I have people I talk to during the day that remind me that it's OK to have that happen every now and again. And to remind me that rescue meds are there for a reason haha.  Countdown to sanity begins now.  Gods bless pharmaceuticals.  Now, to just get over this hill.

I have to get home and wrap presents, put away the detritus from painting, etc and do laundry.  Oh, and perhaps start writing my research paper on mariology that's due on Sunday.  You know, like a fully functional adult human.  We'll see how that goes.

I did remember to bring my Christmas cards in - only now I'm afraid that some of my work people are going to be all offended by them.  This is the month of feeling like I can't win.  I know it will pass - but it certainly sucks while it's happening.

Distracting myself by discussing politics on FB isn't working very well - but hey, I gave it the old college try, right??  This is another one that I wasn't going to post.  I made a promise though, in the beginning, that I would be honest.  So it all needed to come out.

Honesty - dammit man.  I'm enjoying getting gifts for other folks - though, I think I would rather just drop them off than do the whole gather 'round the tree stuff.  It's Joey's first Christmas though, so we need to do that.  I have people that are all stressed out about what to buy, or not being able to buy, etc.  None of that matters.  None of it.  I don't *need* anything, and the things that *I* bought were neither extravagant nor expensive.  I did it because it makes me feel good - so in a sense, it's totally selfish.  You know what I want?  Some quiet hours in your company.  I want to relax with the people I care about - and just kind of BE.  Maybe make some dinner.  Or watch a ridiculous movie.  Make me laugh.

I want to make sure that the people I surround myself with know, without a doubt, how much they are loved.  Because you are.  Even when I'm all jacked up and emotionally retarded - you are loved.  Wholly, beautifully, illuminatingly loved.