You know, when I first realized that's essentially what I had to do, I was absolutely terrified. I'm sure I'll have more moments where I feel the same.
Today though, I feel kind of like Mom gave me a gift. I know that probably sounds horrible and weird - but I don't mean it that way. How many people do you know that are able to take a step back from the life they knew, and go "Huh. Time to do something new with myself."? Not many.
Thankfully, I was given the tools while growing up to be able to do that. While yes, I suffer from pretty bad social anxiety, I have a pretty full tool box at my disposal. I'm confident, I'm intelligent, I have a good sense of humor and I was taught that being able to adapt is very important. I love deeply, and fight valiantly when I need to. Those things are there - I have a solid base - I just need to rearrange some things.
A interwebs kick with my Google-Fu showed me some guidelines for redefining. I kind of cobbled them together from several different lists, but I think this is what's going to work best for me.
1. List new qualities
2. Break one bad habit
3. Reinforce friendships, make new friends
4. Decide what defines you
5. Follow one old passion
6. List what you love
7. Be realistic
8. Be positive
9. Make a visual
10. Ignore what others think
New qualities.. that's something I was actually working on BMD, so it makes sense to continue it AMD. I have been a "weird walled off version of human" for several years now (thanks, sister). Walls though, while great at keeping things in, also keep a lot out. In the spirit of breaking down, or at least making those walls smaller - I've been more open about my feelings with people, good and bad. I've taken risks emotionally, and while I could get hurt, it's worth it. So if I've told you I love you, in any form or fashion, know that I mean it. I know there should be more qualities in that list, but damned if I know them all right now.
I have ideas for each of them, but they need to be fleshed out. So maybe 1 A will be... work on the damned list, Danielle.
most important .... #10 ....
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